Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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