1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
