Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
