bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize