I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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