Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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