I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
