Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
