Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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