I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
