I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
