a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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