Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
