my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
