im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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