that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
