I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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