The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
