Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
