Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
