I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
