Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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