i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
