508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize