just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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