the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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