I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize