No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
