I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
