I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
