please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
