??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
