We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
