the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
