So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
