there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
