And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
