I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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