So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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