I cannot find my penis.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
