remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
