sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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