did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
