I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
