Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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