you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
