you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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