I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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