hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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