Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
