I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
