put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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