So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
