But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
