she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
