i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize