Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
soo... how was my night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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