I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize