So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
