He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
