I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
