omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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