I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
