I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
