I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
