feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
