My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
