Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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