Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
In America we eat man semen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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