dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
